Sundays With Dr. Killjoy

Dr. Killjoy: When Laura called me and said that she wanted me to clear my schedule to help the two of you deal with the crisis in your relationship I didn’t hesitate for a second and I applaud the two of you for coming here in an effort to proactively deal with the issues that are hindering your ability to work together effectively as a team.

Blackheart: Well, I’m here, but I really don’t see a problem with the way things are going. Any issues we have can be worked out without your help, but Georgie here seems to need this so can we please just get started.

Junior: See how he talks to me? I’m just trying to make things better and he treats me like a… like a child.

Blackheart: If the booties fit son.

Dr. Killjoy: Okay, okay. Let’s start with you Georgie, I mean George. What is it you want out of this relationship that you feel you are not getting at the moment?

Junior: I want Dick to respect me and to recognisize my authority. He makes fun of me in front of other people and …

Dr. Killjoy: Instead of making accusations George, try to frame your statements in relation to how they make you feel. Go ahead.

Junior: I feel, uh, stupid when he makes fun of me in front of other people?

Dr. Killjoy: Good George, but stupid isn’t a feeling.

Junior: Really?

Dr. Killjoy: Now Dick, why do you ridicule George in public?

Blackheart: I don’t ridicule him you jackass, I simply try to clarify things when George here says something idiotic.

Dr. Killjoy: Okay, let’s try a different approach. Turn your chairs so that you are facing each other and let’s do a little role-playing.

Dr. Killjoy: Now George, I want you to pretend that you are Dick and I want you to talk to him in the same manner you perceive he talks to you. And Dick, I want you to respond as you would if someone spoke to you in that manner. Do you both understand?

Junior: Yeah, I guess so.

Blackheart: Whatever.

Dr. Killjoy: Okay, go ahead and start us off George.

Junior: I’m not sure I can do this doc.

Dr. Killjoy: Just give it a try.

Junior: Okay. Hey, you two-bit moron, don’t even think about singing that anti-torture bill or I will shove my hand even farther up your ass puppet boy!

Blackheart: Go Fuck yourself. There, that was easy. By the way, that was a pretty good impression of me son. See doc, everything is fine. I’m not going to mess with what’s working here and we all know there is no way in hell this little monkey is going to sign that bill so everyone wins, right son?

Junior: Whatever you say Dick.

Dr. Killjoy: Okay, I’m not sure that you both understood the concept behind the exercise but we’ll work on it later. Why don’t you each go home with my book, read it, and we’ll meet again next week, just see my secretary on the way out.

Blackheart: The hot one with the red hair? I’ll take care of that Georgie, you get the books and I’ll meet you outside.

Junior: Okie dokie, but Doc?

Dr. Killjoy: Yes George?

Junior: Can I be Dick again next week? It’s much more fun being him than me.