The Bright Side Of Fascism

I was thinking the other day about the myriad of signs that this administration is indeed trying to turn this country into a fascist dictatorship. Bush once said, “If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator.” Any thinking person that happened to catch this little bit of wisdom on live television surely felt a sudden chill up their spine. He was being jovial when he said it, but the truest lines are often the throwaway ones. If our dear President says he would prefer to be a dictator, we should believe him. And if we have learned one thing in the last five years, it is that Georgie Boy, more often than not, gets what he wants.

So, if what we have in store is a dictatorship with Bubble Boy at the helm, we might as well start looking at the bright side of fascism. The first thing that comes to mind is a thriving counterculture. Sure we will have to meet in darkened houses with the curtains drawn, but it will be exciting and we will have legitimate reasons for yelling at the children, “knock off the racket.” There will also be many great books written, although we will never get the chance to have our books signed at the local Barnes & Noble as the authors will most likely be executed upon publication of their work. But that will just make the books worth more since there will be limited copies available once they are confiscated and burned by the government.

There won’t be anything worth watching on television, since everything will be sanitized for our consumption, but this will conveniently provide more time to spend with our family and friends. Singing and dancing will once again become common faire in American households, as we shun the idiot box in favor of private gatherings amongst friends. Of course we will be attending more funerals since, let's face it, most of us are used to spouting off about politics in public places and that will be a hard habit to break.

Imagine all of the practical problems that will be solved. Most liberals have too many books, yet can’t seem to get rid of any of them. With extreme poverty a reality of everyday life for most of us, our duplicate copies of Lord of the Flies, Macbeth, Jane Eyre, not to mention all of the books we bought and read but would rather not showcase on our bookshelves, will provide ample kindling to keep us warm during the cold winter months. We can destroy the evidence of our guilty pleasures, purge our houses of unnecessary items and stay alive in the process. It’s a win, win situation.

Perhaps the greatest benefit to all of us lefties, once we embrace our new fascist future, is we will once again be useful and necessary. We will be able to contribute to the fight in concrete ways. We can provide “safe houses” for rebels as they travel around, spreading the news of the revolution. We can distribute leaflets and host meetings in our homes. There will be inherent danger in all that we do, lending our lives much needed drama and we will at long last have a productive outlet for our dissent. The lines will be clear and our action will be needed. It will no longer be possible to sit on the sidelines, waiting for things to happen, we will be instigators of change and we will have everything riding on our ability to commit to the cause. Admit it, it sounds like fun.

So let us embrace our fascist future, as it will lend necessary urgency to our humdrum lives. While we wait in limbo, feeling confused about what to do, rest assured that we may soon enough have the boot of a real dictator pressed firmly on our necks. Then we will finally find out what we are really made of. I, for one, can hardly wait.